Introduction: The Tightrope of Leadership in Events
Leadership is a complex game—especially for women in the meetings industry. It’s not just about excelling at logistics and strategy; it’s also about navigating conflicting expectations. Women are expected to embody warmth and collaboration while also demonstrating the competence and authority typically associated with traditional leadership.
The result? A delicate balancing act where you’re too strong or too soft, but rarely just right. This is the Double Bind—an experience that is especially acute in an industry rooted in service and hospitality.
But the solution isn’t perfection—it’s authenticity. The key to real influence is understanding your personality and leading from your natural style while supplementing strategically—not conforming.
You can’t do your best work, tap your source of genius, or contribute at the highest level if you don’t like who you see in the mirror. Bias is real. The Double Bind exists, BUT it’s not an insurmountable roadblock—it just requires awareness and a strategic approach.
Understanding the Double Bind
The Double Bind is a no-win situation where women must be strong enough to be taken seriously but warm enough to be liked. And for many event professionals, it creates an exhausting dance.
Take Sara, CMP. After 22 years in the industry and now working as an interim VP, she’s learned to manage two personas—bubbly and relaxed at home, and more masculine and composed at work. She constantly calibrates: serious, but still smiling. Authoritative, but not too much.
This industry’s roots as a “helping profession” add another layer. Many women have absorbed the idea that their work is essential, but not strategic. They may question their own readiness for leadership, even when evidence shows otherwise.
In fact, studies show women outperform men in most leadership capabilities, but are significantly less likely to see themselves as leaders. That’s the internalized side of the Double Bind.
Step 1: Know Your Authentic Leadership Style
You can’t lead powerfully if you’re unsure of your natural strengths. If you don’t own your leadership style, outside expectations will shape it for you.
Most people lead with either warmth or competence:
Warmth-led leaders (like Stabilizers or Connecters): You’re empathetic, relationship-oriented, and emotionally intelligent. You make people feel safe, included, and heard.
- Your superpower? How you make people feel—welcomed and included.
- Your challenge? Being taken seriously as a leader without overcompensating.
Competence-led leaders (like Improvers or Doers): You’re driven, focused, strategic, and results-oriented. You keep everything moving and aligned with purpose.
- Your superpower? You get stuff done. You love people by what you do for them. Resting face? People assume you’re mad—but really, you’re focused.
- Your challenge? Being perceived as too cold, too blunt, or too intimidating.
Take the quiz to discover your authentic leadership personality.
Neither is better. But both must be understood and respected—first by you, then by others.
Emily, a Senior VP, known for her kindness and connection, often felt out of place in a masculine culture that favored results over relationships. She tried to downplay her personality to be taken seriously. But in doing so, she lost part of her power. Her breakthrough came when she realized her warmth was her strength. She didn’t need to subtract it—just supplement it with confidence cues.
Then there’s Merix, an independent event planner and classic Improver. Strategic, detail-oriented, and a pro at making realistic decisions, she often has to be the one at the table saying “No” to wild ideas. She knows that bringing people down from the confetti clouds isn’t always popular—but she also knows it’s essential. Her challenge? Being seen as collaborative without watering down her direct style.
Step 2: Embrace the Challenge
Let’s be real: The Double Bind is hard. And the playing field remains uneven.
- Women hold just 22% of C-suite roles.
- Women of color occupy only 7% of leadership positions.
- 38% of women have had their expertise questioned.
- 50% of women say their success is due to luck, not ability.
- And perhaps most critically, we rarely recognize bias in real time.
These disparities aren’t just statistics—they’re the backdrop of our daily experience. They shape our meetings, our interviews, our performance reviews. The system may not be fair, but pretending it is doesn’t make it better. Acknowledging the unevenness helps us strategize from a place of truth.
Sara, an experienced event professional, was told early in her career, “You’ll never be more than a director in this industry. There are no executive positions for you.” Yet today, she’s shattered that ceiling and now helps others do the same.
When opportunities are limited and your success is doubted, it’s easy to question if you truly belong. The key is learning to separate external bias from internal truth.
Women are notorious for internalizing criticism. Case in point: If a man tries on pants that don’t fit, he blames the pants. If a woman tries on pants that don’t fit, she blames herself.
We do the same thing at work—when faced with bias, we absorb it instead of questioning or separating from it. Bias, criticism, and unfair feedback will come your way. If you let it stick—by accepting it or ruminating on it—it can define you.
But if you let it slide off, you keep control of your own story. The way you feel about yourself is the way you show up.
When someone calls you bossy, reframe it: You’re bold. When they say emotional, know that you’re passionate. When they call you difficult, remember you’re strategic.
Step 3: Supplement Without Changing Who You Are
Your goal isn’t to become someone else. It’s to raise your status while remaining authentic.
Status—your standing and influence—is shaped not just by performance but by how others perceive you.
Those with the highest status are seen as both approachable and capable. They are more likely to be considered for promotions, leadership roles, and high-visibility projects. Their ideas are more often adopted, and they are more insulated from negative stereotypes and backlash.
So, if you want greater opportunities in your career, you’ll need to supplement your natural style. If you’re naturally strong, add warmth. If you’re naturally warm, add strength.
Some believe, “I shouldn’t have to change who I am.” And that’s understandable.
But we must be careful we don’t settle for excused authenticity—that mindset of, “That’s just who I am,” that keeps us from growing. We all have growing edges.
What we’re aiming for is elevated authenticity: taking who you are, offering your very best, and making a bigger difference by rising in your career.
Strategies to Supplement by Type
If you’re naturally warm (relationship-led), or if you work in a male-dominated environment where you’re not taken seriously or lack authority try enhancing your strength without losing your relational edge by using these tactics:
- Use clear, confident language: “I recommend,” “We’ve decided.”
- Eliminate qualifiers: “I think,” “maybe,” “we might need.”
- Present with executive presence: concise, objective, and data-informed.
- Set clear boundaries, and say no without overexplaining.
- Pair warmth with decisiveness: “Thank you. Here’s the direction we’ll take.”
If you’re naturally strong (competence-led), especially when collaborating with other women, negotiating, or seeking buy-in, consider layering in warmth to widen your influence:
- Use approachable nonverbal cues—eye contact, names, and a friendly tone.
- Ask open-ended questions to invite conversation.
- Share recognition and express appreciation often.
- Replace directives with collaboration: “What would you add?” or “Let’s shape this together.”
- Lead difficult conversations with empathy and understanding.
These shifts don’t mean abandoning who you are. They mean growing into the leader you’re meant to be.
Sarah, a VP and consultant in the conference world, used to assume her voice carried the same weight as her male peers. She was confident, vocal, and sharp. But she realized that confidence alone wasn’t enough. By adding more tact, listening more, and delivering feedback with empathy, she increased her influence.
Final Thoughts: Rise in Authentic Power
You were designed with a unique leadership personality for a reason. Perhaps your journey has led you through undervalued roles, missed promotions, or the exhausting effort of trying to be just enough—never too much, never too little.
Even so, you are not lacking. You are not behind. And you are not alone.
The path forward isn’t about shrinking to fit or contorting to please. It’s about standing in who you are, strengthening what you offer, and rising—deliberately and unapologetically—into the authority, impact, and career you were made for.
