Introduction: You’re Not a Machine
Let’s be real. You are not a robot. You are not a machine. You are a living, breathing human being—and that means some days, you are just not okay. And guess what? That’s okay.
Say it with me, “it’s okay not to be okay.”
Do you know that it’s easier to say that phrase to a friend than ourselves?
We’ve been conditioned to believe that admitting that makes us weak. That showing any sign of emotional struggle might cost us a promotion, our credibility, or the acceptance of our peers.
So we smile. We power through. We keep our mental health struggles on lockdown.
Meanwhile, behind the scenes, we are falling apart. I like to describe it as feeling like a dumpster fire – can you relate?
According to the Society of Human Resources Management, 51% of employees feel “used up” by the end of the workday. Used. Up. Like an empty cup that can’t even fill itself, let alone anyone else. No wonder we don’t have energy to cook dinner, let alone go to that spin class or show up fully for our loved ones.
What is Burnout?
Burnout isn’t just being tired. It’s a full-body, full-mind, full-soul experience of depletion. The Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI), a tool developed in the 1970s, breaks burnout into three parts:
- Emotional Exhaustion: You’re drained. Done. Fried.
- Depersonalization: You feel disconnected from your work and maybe even the people around you.
- Reduced Professional Efficacy: No matter how hard you work, it never feels like enough.
Research says burnout is at an all-time high, and if you want a glaring indicator, just look at work absences. Deloitte’s Women at Work Report found that mental health-related absences increased by 300% between 2017 and 2023. That’s not a typo. Three hundred percent.
Stress vs. Burnout
One big distinction to make is the difference between stress and burnout. Stress is not all bad, we actually need it to motivate ourselves, however too much stress for a prolonged period of time is when it shifts into burnout. Below is a chart depicting the Yerkes-Dodson law, which is a model that describes the relationship between stress and performance. You can see that you need a certain level of stress to activate optimum performance, but as stress continues to increase our performance drops.
Think of it like this: You’re driving your car and you keep pressing the gas pedal harder and harder, expecting to go faster. But instead of speeding up, your engine starts to smoke. Eventually, it breaks down.
Sound familiar?
Symptoms of Burnout
According to the Mayo Clinic, burnout shows up in all kinds of sneaky ways:
- Exhaustion
- Cynicism or detachment
- Feeling ineffective or useless
- Depression or anxiety
- Hating your job
- Irritability and impatience
- Trouble concentrating
- Changes in sleep
- Physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues
- Increased reliance on food, alcohol, or other substances
Most people don’t just wake up one day totally burned out. It creeps up. And when we ignore the symptoms long enough, they don’t go away—they get louder. That’s how we end up in habitual burnout, where this state becomes your new normal.
Causes of Burnout
Burnout is a symptom, not a character flaw. It’s the result of a system that isn’t working for you. Here are some common culprits:
- Excessive workload: Hello, unrealistic expectations. “Do more with less” is a recipe for disaster.
- Lack of control: Feeling like you have zero say in your schedule, tasks, or priorities.
- Mismatch of rewards: Putting in the effort and getting nothing back. No praise, no recognition, no growth.
- Lack of support: Whether it’s your boss or your teammates, feeling like you’re in it alone makes everything harder. And burnout can make us socially isolate, which is counter to one of the things that we need to combat it, connection. According to BetterUp, people who experience more connection at work achieve their goals more often, enjoy greater well-being, grow more professionally, and have more positive relationships.
- Unfairness or inequity: When policies or practices feel biased or discriminatory, it creates resentment and disengagement.
- Unclear job expectations: When you don’t know what’s expected of you, your brain fills in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. Cue the stress spiral.
The Cost of Burnout
Let’s break this down:
For organizations:
- Increased sick days and absenteeism
- Lower engagement and productivity
- Higher turnover
For teams:
- Communication breakdowns
- More conflict
- Less collaboration
For individuals:
- Insomnia, anxiety, illness
- Emotional detachment
- Reduced focus and creativity
- A deep, aching sense of “What’s the point?”
How to Become Better Than Burned Out
Alright, enough doom and gloom. Let’s get to the good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in burnout.
But change starts with a decision.
You have to decide that you’re not going to live like this anymore. You have to commit to yourself. Not because it’s easy, but because you’re worth it.
Let’s talk about three strategies you can start using right now to pull yourself out of burnout and build a life that actually supports you.
Strategy 1: Drop the Mask and Redefine Success
Let’s talk about the masks we wear. No, not the fun Halloween kind—the emotional masks. The roles we play to prove we’re worthy, successful, or “enough.” These masks come from the expectations we place on ourselves, usually shaped by a lifetime of seeking external validation. Am I doing it right? Am I liked enough? Respected enough? Promotable enough?
Over time, those masks become heavy. Exhausting, even. Because they require constant performance.
You might recognize a few of these:
- The Perfectionist: “If I’m not flawless, I’m failing.”
- The Superhero: “If I don’t do it all, I’m letting people down.”
- The People-Pleaser: “Everyone else comes first. My needs can wait.”
Here’s the truth: these masks might protect us in the short term, but in the long term, they’re burnout fuel. Because they’re based on unrealistic standards—and worse, they’re often completely disconnected from what actually matters to you.
That’s why one of the most powerful burnout antidotes is this: Redefine what success looks like on your terms.
Success isn’t about being everything to everyone. It’s about being in alignment with who you are and what you value. It’s about setting human expectations, not superhuman ones. You get to define what “enough” means—because if you don’t, the world will try to do it for you.
Here’s how you start: redefine success by reframing the mask.
If your old definition of success is:
“I have to be perfect to succeed,”
your new one might be:
“I give myself permission to be imperfect, to learn, and to grow.”
Or maybe it’s:
“Success means showing up as I am, not who I think others want me to be.”
The goal is to write a definition that feels true, empowering, and sustainable. One that makes space for self-compassion and real-life humanness.
Let that new definition be your North Star. Use it to validate yourself from the inside out—so you no longer need applause from the outside world to know you’re doing enough.
Strategy 2: Watch for TRIP Hazards
TRIP hazards are the thought traps that increase your stress response. Everyone has to watch out for them. They are thought traps you will trip over that will keep you stuck or feeling burned out.
T – Toxic Self-Talk
Definition: Your inner critic running the show. It’s the voice in your head that’s more mean girl than motivational speaker. Example: “You’re not good enough.” “You’re a failure.” “Everyone else has it together except you.”
How not to trip over it:
- Name it. When that voice pops up, call it out: “Oh hey, there’s my inner critic again.”
- Depersonalize it. That voice isn’t you—it’s a leftover script from fear, perfectionism, or past experiences. You don’t have to believe it.
R – Ruminating Rewind
Definition: Obsessively replaying past mistakes or awkward moments on a mental loop. Example: “I shouldn’t have said that in the meeting.” Cue 3 a.m. replay, complete with cringing.
How not to trip over it:
- Interrupt the loop. Say, “I’ve learned what I needed. Time to move forward.”
- Refocus. Shift your attention to what’s within your control now. You can’t change the past, but you can direct your energy today.
I – Imagined Threats
Definition: Assuming others are judging you, upset with you, or disappointed—even when there’s no actual proof. Example: “My boss hasn’t emailed me back. I must’ve messed something up.”
How not to trip over it:
- Reality check it. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I actually have?”
- Reframe it. Instead of assuming the worst, try assuming neutrality or even kindness.
P – Personal Limitations
Definition: Beliefs that convince you you’re not capable or worthy of success. Example: “I’m too old.” “I’m not qualified.” “I don’t have what it takes.”
How not to trip over it:
- Challenge the belief. Ask, “Who told me that—and is it true?”
- Rewrite the narrative. “I may be learning, but I’m capable. I have value to offer.” Confidence is built through action, not perfection.
Let TRIP be a reminder: your thoughts are powerful—but they’re not always true. The more awareness you build, the more freedom you gain. You don’t have to believe everything your burnout brain tells you.
Strategy 3: Build Connection and Practice Gratitude
Burnout loves isolation. It thrives in the moments when we feel like we have to figure everything out on our own. And let’s be honest—when we’re overwhelmed, the first thing we tend to do is pull away. We cancel plans, stop reaching out, and try to power through in silence. But the truth is: you can’t outwork burnout by yourself.
One of the most powerful tools we have to prevent and recover from burnout is connection.
What Connection at Work Really Means
Connection isn’t just having small talk in the breakroom or sending a few Slack emojis. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and valued. True workplace connection means you have people you trust, who support you, who you can be real with—not just “professional.”
According to BetterUp, employees who experience more connection at work:
- Achieve their goals more often
- Report higher well-being and engagement
- Grow more professionally
- Have stronger, more positive relationships
In other words? Connection fuels performance and protects your mental health.
How to Build a Network of Supporters
If you’re feeling disconnected, don’t wait for someone else to fix it. Start building your circle intentionally. Here’s how:
- Identify your allies. Who do you feel safe being honest with at work? Who encourages you or checks in? That’s your foundation.
- Be a supporter to others. Reach out. Ask, “How are you—really?” Offer support, listen, or simply say, “I’ve got your back.” People remember those moments.
- Create opportunities for connection. Schedule a coffee chat. Set up a “vent and validate” meeting. Suggest a no-agenda lunch with a colleague you trust.
- Prioritize psychological safety. Whether you’re a leader or team member, be the person who makes it safe to say, “I’m not okay today.”
Connection isn’t about having a huge network. It’s about knowing you’re not carrying the weight of work—or life—alone.
The Role of Gratitude (for Others and Yourself)
Connection grows when we feel appreciated. Practicing gratitude—both toward others and yourself—isn’t fluff. It’s brain science.
When you express gratitude:
- You strengthen relationships
- You boost others’ confidence and morale
- You feel more hopeful, resilient, and grounded
The beautiful part? Gratitude works in both directions.
Gratitude for others: Send a thank-you email. Give the shoutout. Tell your colleague, “I really appreciate how you handled that situation or how you helped x.” Recognition builds trust and connection.
Gratitude for yourself: This one’s often harder—but so necessary. At the end of the day, ask: What am I proud of today? Even if it’s just showing up. Gratitude toward yourself reinforces that your worth isn’t tied to perfection. Practicing gratitude daily for 21 consecutive days is also a proven practice to reduce stress and increase happiness.
Why You Need to Ask for Help (and Why It’s Not Weakness)
Let’s squash the myth: Asking for help does not mean you’re failing. It means you’re self-aware and courageous.
High-achievers often struggle with this. We don’t want to burden others. We think we should already know the answer. But when we refuse to ask for help, we isolate ourselves—and fast-track straight into burnout.
Asking for help does three powerful things:
- It reminds your brain you’re not alone. (Big win for mental health.)
- It gives others permission to do the same. (You normalize support-seeking.)
- It leads to better outcomes. (Because collaboration almost always beats lone-wolfing.)
Whether it’s asking a colleague for guidance, delegating a task, or just admitting you’re overwhelmed—that small ask can change everything.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve More Than Just “Getting Through It”
Let’s recap this with some truth and heart:
You’re not broken. You’re burned out.
And there’s a big difference.
Burnout isn’t a personal failure—it’s a loud and urgent signal that something needs to change. That your pace isn’t sustainable. That your needs matter. That surviving every day shouldn’t be the goal.
You are allowed to be human. You are allowed to feel tired. You are allowed to want more than just dragging yourself from one deadline to the next.
Becoming better than burned out doesn’t require a full life overhaul overnight. It starts with small, intentional shifts:
- Dropping the mask and finally defining success on your terms—not perfection, not performance, but alignment.
- Tuning into your thoughts and catching the TRIP hazards before they steal your peace.
- Reconnecting with others, practicing gratitude like it’s your daily vitamin, and knowing that asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
So if you’re reading this and feeling a little cracked open, good. That’s where the light gets in.
You don’t have to earn rest.
You don’t have to prove your worth by doing it all alone.
You don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re running on fumes.
You just have to start.
Start with one mask.
One thought trap.
One conversation.
One kind word to yourself. One brave moment of asking for help.
Let this be your permission slip to stop surviving and start rebuilding a life that sustains you, connects you, and feels good to live in.
You are more than your productivity.
You are worthy of joy, ease, and peace.
And you are absolutely capable of becoming better than burned out.
